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He told me he’d only had unprotected sex one time since he was last tested and she said she was STI-negative, so it shouldn’t be an issue.I got sick of having the same discussion over and over, so I gave in and had unprotected sex.
– my partner’s technique of making me doubt my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions – was an abusive manipulation tactic.
For the first time, I saw why his behavior stressed me out. If you can identify any of these seven patterns in your own relationship, you may not be a bad partner either.
There was the time I refused to lend him money because he hadn’t paid me back last time, and he sarcastically responded that if I want to treat our relationship like a set of transactions, then we’d might as well put everything on a spreadsheet and never get each other gifts.
How could I be so petty as to resent someone who never yelled at me or physically hurt me, who I loved and wanted more than anything to get along with?
Talk about how passionate you are about your work, how you always give it 100%, how you don’t like to say 110% because that’s an imaginary standard that doesn’t hold us accountable.
By the time you’re done, the interviewer won’t remember what they asked you.I was afraid I’d be an inconsiderate, spoiled girlfriend if I didn’t.If someone stumps you with a question, he said, change the subject.” Something clicked, and I realized I had been upset about all these things, too, before my partner convinced me they were no big deal. Eventually, it became impossible to play the roles of both the loyal girlfriend and the friend and daughter of people who wanted the best for me. If you want to confront a manipulative person, Ni writes that they behave like bullies, so as you would stand up to a bully, “be sure to place yourself in a position where you can safely protect yourself, whether it’s standing tall on your own, having other people present to witness and support, or keeping a paper trail of the bully’s inappropriate behavior.”That September, I pointed out that he still hadn’t read the thesis he promised to read in January.I didn’t even care about the thesis anymore, but I wanted him to understand why I had trouble putting faith in him rather than portraying my lack of trust as an attack.I was starting to see I didn’t deserve to feel like an ice queen for asking to split expenses or like I had to compromise my sexual boundaries to make him comfortable.