They claim that even if someone finds you attractive, “ironic mustache and all,” a bad first email can ruin your chances at romance. – Wow you’re so sexy/gorgeous/hot and no reference to anything else about me. What does work for me though is a short paragraph with a humorous reference to something on my profile, usually about my country of origin. It’s not overly personal, sexual or emotional but makes me smile and shows me I can have a fun evening with this person even if we have nothing in common.

Here is my question: Are men ok with women sending introductory emails to them? In some ways, I see a email hello similar to a come-hither look at a bar, etc.

but in other ways it seems very aggressive and therefore a turnoff to most men. Dear Jane, Your question brings up two of the most common mistakes that women make in online dating: 1) Waiting for Men to Write to You First 2) Telling Him What You Like About His Profile First things first: Men LOVE it when women write to them. If you have an attractive photo, interesting essay, and you’re in his target demographic, why WOULDN’T he be excited to hear from you?

An online dating message is not the same (thank GOD) as a job application.

It's presumptuous to list a bunch of unrequested information about yourself in your message, because doing so assumes that this person already thinks of you as a candidate.

Eg, say you both have a love for adventure travel — you see that he’s been trekking in Nepal, and has visited the Amazon…

Brenna Ehrlich and Andrea Bartz are the creators of the blog and book “Stuff Hipsters Hate.” In a CNN article this week, they offer 7 humorous email openers that are guaranteed to keep you single.

Once you tell him how great he is, he doesn’t know why he should write back. But the tone of that email should be flirty, funny, and challenging – the same as the email from a man that gets your attention.

POSTSCRIPT As to HOW to do something like that, here’s a link to my Finding the One Online program, which spends a full hour explaining how to email people online. Evan, Can you give an example of what would be an effective e-mail for a woman to write to a man?

Writing an interesting question or two can't guarantee a response, but NOTHING CAN. Don't waste your time and don't waste anyone else's — you have to put in a little work this way, but just do it.

If we wanted to read your profile, we'd have gone to it.

It’s a bit counterintuitive, but if your first instinct is to compliment him and explain your value, you’re not demonstrating that you have any value.