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I wouldn't want to lead a company of Pierces into battle, but I sure as hell would want him around after that battle was over! My apologies to those among us of the feminine gland and to our resident celibate, Father Mulcahy. One, this is going to teach us all a new heart procedure. And, I don't mind telling, you my first few days in his shadow were a mite uneasy. The point is, the folks here gave me the time to take this job and make it Sherman Potter's. Now you get out of that froufrou and into a uniform. I have no doubt that Captain Pierce is a prankster and thoroughly non-military, but the records prove him to be a top-flight surgeon. (takes a deep breath) How could anyone look on that and not feel changed? You people have been panicking over a rumor which says that the 4077th is bugging out. You service people should know by now that scuttlebutt is as common as cooties in your skivvies! That didn't make me any better or worse, just different. To my gentle sister Honoria, I bequeath my butterfly collection.
(to the rest of the mess tent) Are we going to stand for this?! Potter: Sergeant, I've told everyone else, I'll tell you. Moody: When I was a kid, I used to fight all the time when people put me down. Hawkeye: Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? To my dear father, I grant you power of attorney, for the disposition of all my real estate.
I've eaten so much liver I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions! The corporal re-arrived with his dignity dented and his nonchalantness not so nifty. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander. All my personnel have donated at least twice, and Dracula couldn't find a quick snack around these parts! No one's gonna get me again with any verbal abuse because I got something guys like that will never have - self-respect. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then... Therefore I leave you with these few parting thoughts.
Based on the 20th Century-Fox film M*A*S*H (an acronym for Mobile Army Surgical Hospital), a big hit of 1970 which was based in turn on the book of the same name, M*A*S*H was an American television series about a team of doctors and nurses stationed at a fictional U. Army hospital (unit number 4077) in Korea, during the Korean War in 1950-53. Guns and bombs and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. But then again, no war is a movie.[In the film, Hawkeye plays the "Yankee Doodle Doctor" as a Groucho Marx-esque type character, and Trapper as a Harpo Marx-esque character. All of which goes into my special report to General Mitchell, which culminates in a detailed account of your Thanksgiving "Come As Your Favorite Nude Pilgrim" party. Henry: [going through letters in Klinger's file] Father dying, last year. Even now, the sight of lettuce makes me talk faster. BJ: (about Charles) I'll bet he has the largest record collection in all of Korea. It can be done if you have your phonograph on for every minute of every day. Oh, I'm getting the bodies all right, but I wonder if I'm getting the souls. Margaret: Well I did everything I could and I'd do the same thing all over again.
The series originally aired on CBS from September 17, 1972 to February 28, 1983 but can still be seen in syndication. Throw away all the guns and invite all the jokers from the north and the south in here to a cocktail party... The first scene shows Radar as a patient being unloaded from an ambulance.]Frank: You're not going anywhere in that, Mc Intyre. Henry: I don't care if she did put an ice cube in your underwear! I always assumed that's how it was in every family. There is no reason to put myself and everybody else through hell to satisfy some crazy notion that good is never good enough.
Hawkeye: (After hearing the main dish is liver and/or fish again) ... Furthermore, I consider no one in this camp above suspicion with the possible exception of that 80% of you who are incapable of reading the English language. Tell me this, Captain: how the hell am I supposed to keep up with it?!
The inalienable right to an early coronary sitting at your desk while plotting to stab your boss in the back. Charles: (addressing the mess tent) Ladies and gentlemen, we must all have compassion for the wretched harlequin with his compulsive need to amuse; so I say to you, do not condemn the pathetic clown but rather, pity him. I'm a doctor, a guy looks to me for answers and the only thing I can say is that you have this incurable disease and there is nothing I can do about it. Charles (over the PA): Attention all vermin - that's giving you the benefit of the doubt - I have just discovered the untimely disappearance of my May 5 issue of The Boston Globe which has obviously been pilfered by some member of the pernicious race of lowlife which infests this pigmire. Potter: Every month there's a new procedure we have to learn because somebody's come up with an even better way to mutilate the human body!
My last wish is to be buried in my mother's wedding gown. I am the godfather of his grandson, Sherman Potter Hamilton! But, you know how much I enjoy the annual Deb's Cotillion. A transfer would be a waste of good red tape so here's what your gonna do. Uhh Colonel would you mind dropping everything and coming out here fast?! Charles: It was the night after I graduated from Harvard Medical School, I distinctly remember trying to swim the Charles River in cap and gown, reasoning that since it was named after me, it was my river. Well, I got a commanding officer who dresses me up in his clothes and sits me on a horse named Sophie so he can paint his own picture. Potter: It's a tragedy people have to eat horses, they're beautiful animals. Well I happen to think this is a fine piece of celluloid. This is the patient's chest; or in more scientific parlance, the front of the back. But moan and groan and carry on, they'll leave you to your lonesome; long as they know you're miserable, they're happy. But once in a while, in the midst of this insanity, a very small event can make my being here seem almost bearable. Signed, Chastity."Hawkeye: Send that one to the dead letter office.
I've known Bink Hamilton for going on thirty years. I'll give you a fistful of Iowa naiveteness right in the stomach. Charles: [taping a letter to send home] Dear Mother and Dad, I have only been here a short while, but it seems forever. I have even contemplated shooting myself in the foot. Lord knows I've never met a soul I could depend on more, but above all that, you've been a damn good friend. The woman's got only a few weeks left in this man's army. Could we go back to the broom or how about a vacuum cleaner? I'm trying to tell my uncle what kind of a place I work in: doctors, nurses saving lives. Where do people get off making pork chops out of them? I don't know, I...(breaking off due to the looks of the others)Potter: Yeah? [The 4077th is overcrowded because a young lieutenant at Battalion refuses to send vehicles to transport some of the patients to the 8063rd, fearing he will have to account for the cost if they get destroyed. Potter gets a patient, who happens to be a general, to talk to the LT on the phone.] Charles (addressing three Korean doctors): Now, my diminutive voyeurs, this is the patient, without whom medicine would be just theory. It is sadly inappropriate to give dessert to a child who has had no meal. In the springtime a young dolt's fancy turns to baseball where one can sit and munch red hots and crackerjacks and watch eighteen hillbillies in knickers run around in circles and spit tobacco chaws on one another. I really love good wine and I think it would be fun to share a few belts with you.
The series spanned 251 episodes and lasted almost four times as long as the war which served as its setting. Last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war! This jeep is the official property of the US Army in general and Col. Sorry, patient, you have a temperature of 109 stroke 10. And Frank, here, who studied medicine under General Rommel was too chicken to operate. But when I see the warmth, closeness, the fun of your relationship. Charles: Hunnicutt, if there is a God, there will be a time in your life when you are in dire straits and in desperate need of a wealthy, influential friend. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here.
Hawkeye Pierce : [writing to his father] You said I sounded a bit callous in my last letter Dad. At this particular Mobile Army Hospital, we are not concerned with the ultimate reconstruction of the patient. Hawkeye Pierce: Frank, I happen to be an officer only because I foolishly opened an invitation from President Truman to come to this costume party. Blake in particular and as such is to be used for the official duties thereof and nothing else. I'm afraid you can't have an incubator but you can have a pizza with everything on it to go. He was afraid that under anesthesia the lieutenant might give away Harry Truman's hat size! When that time comes, I pray you will turn to me so I can laugh in your face. The minute I cut that rope, they made me a soldier. But, alas, I had to leave when the film broke which was about two seconds after I ripped it from the projector. Sidney Freedman: (His final exit line, repeating his advice from "O. But just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. Whenever I see a pair of big feet or a cheesy mustache, I'll think of you. [The two men hug, then Hawkeye boards the helicopter while B. mounts his motorcycle, where he shouts over the helicopter] I'll see you back in the States—I promise!
The Geneva convention prohibits the killing of our tastebuds! Farewell Cape Cod, farewell Harvard Yard, farewell baked scrod. We must not labor under the delusion that these were filed by another homo sapien; the last ones I found were under G, for "Getting Better."Hawkeye: I didn't want to tell him but he wouldn't let me off the hook. Hawkeye: (writing a letter to President Truman) If you end this fiasco right now, I pledge to purchase all your daughter's inimitable records. When you leave here, you will know this jeep like it was a kissin' cousin, and you will know the rules of the road so good that when you're dead, you will still qualify for a license.