Charles: Well, Father, I'm afraid you don't understand. See, all my life I've harbored a secret dread that I may not be worthy of my name, that I may not good enough to be a Winchester.

Colonel Carmichael: I have weighed the evidence, not just the evidence but the records of the two individuals. I couldn't break my word to Peg, and not because God will send me to Hell without an electric fan or because it's not the right thing to do. Hawkeye: A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya know? Father Mulcahy: When the doctors cut into a patient and it's cold, the way it is now...steam rises from the body..the doctor will---will warm his hands over the open wound.

The only difference, of course, is in a war it's also raining on the other side of the street, and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums.

I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun! Every night promptly at , we would gather at the dinner table.

[puts file down] Klinger, aren't you ashamed of yourself? When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. The most intimate and personal communication at the Winchester household took place at the evening meal.

The wounded were aided copiously by super-smart surgeons whose knowledge is superseded by nobody I know. Skilled hands with their fingers work dedicatedly to keep death away from its maximum. Radar: I don't think this place is turning out to be that great an experience for me. How would you like to spend the rest of the war with a bull's-eye on your dome? Signed, Very Married."Hawkeye: My heart is not in this anymore.

(He leaves, fighting tears)Klinger: Colonel Potter, sir. But our gallant doctors, the miracle medical mortals are ever ready to treat the sick. All you two guys do is walk around all day telling jokes. You come barreling into your CO's bunkhouse, bellow at him like a berserk buffalo aggravating his anger and his hangover all because you want to bug out. No matter how many times I wash or how much I scrub it's gonna stay there. Drinking this with you would bring back fond memories.

M*A*S*H 4077 is definitely [Radar returns and hands the message to Potter, who reads...] bugging out in three hours! Margaret: Did you ever once show me any friendship? [gasps and breaks down] hear you laughing and know that I'm not welcome? Radar: The friendly old sun showed his friendly hot face over the mountains of purple majesty as though he was salutating "Good morning to all." Alas, alack, the peaceful quietness was detonated by a herd of chopper transportizing punctured personnel. And if that doesn't do it for ya, I got a head nurse who shoots unarmed luggage. It's no wonder I never got a Section Eight; there's nothing special about me. Potter: Now just hang on to your homburg Winchester. It is indeed testimony to the beauty that exists in all creation, but perhaps nowhere more than in a young girl's heart."Hawkeye: (answering a letter after operating on a young girl): "Ronnie, it's not a good idea to take the love you had for your brother and turn it into hate. (BJ laughs at remark) During a happier time my husband and I used to share many a bottle back in the states.

Fifteen years old and can name 24 of the 48 states. The general has assured me there is nothing to worry about. Can you imagine how it feels to walk by this tent and... Potter: What the heck is going-- put that thing down lady this is no hayride. (everyone starts talking at once to explain and Colonel Potter holds up his arms for silence) Hold it down! There's a priest writing war ditties, and a snooty Major who pays me twenty bucks to follow him out in the woods and watch him blow up a pigeon with a landmine. As a matter of fact, it's mine and Mildred's favorite. If there is no bellybutton in the immediate vicinity, you've committed a rather serious faux pas. Charles: (answering letter) "Dear Virginia, It is with indescribable joy that I accept your gift. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, Ronnie, except to suggest that you look for good wherever you can find it."Col. (reads second letter) "Dear Hawkeye, Bordeaux is one of my favorite wines, along with Maneschevitz.

Based on the 20th Century-Fox film M*A*S*H (an acronym for Mobile Army Surgical Hospital), a big hit of 1970 which was based in turn on the book of the same name, M*A*S*H was an American television series about a team of doctors and nurses stationed at a fictional U. Army hospital (unit number 4077) in Korea, during the Korean War in 1950-53. Guns and bombs and anti-personnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. But then again, no war is a movie.[In the film, Hawkeye plays the "Yankee Doodle Doctor" as a Groucho Marx-esque type character, and Trapper as a Harpo Marx-esque character. All of which goes into my special report to General Mitchell, which culminates in a detailed account of your Thanksgiving "Come As Your Favorite Nude Pilgrim" party. Henry: [going through letters in Klinger's file] Father dying, last year. Even now, the sight of lettuce makes me talk faster. BJ: (about Charles) I'll bet he has the largest record collection in all of Korea. It can be done if you have your phonograph on for every minute of every day. Oh, I'm getting the bodies all right, but I wonder if I'm getting the souls. Margaret: Well I did everything I could and I'd do the same thing all over again.