That I could go on bad Tinder dates and laugh about them at brunch with my friends, get set up with friends, and pick up a guy when I was out for the night, just like everyone else.

eventually give them the "bad news."The 'bad news' was less about their risk of getting HIV and more about how I had deceived them, which is not an especially attractive quality in a mate.

Undetectable means is that the amount of HIV virus in my blood cannot be detected by a lab test.

When a person goes on treatment — I take one pill a day — undetectable is the goal.

Staying on treatment and keeping my viral load at undetectable levels means that I'm going to lead a long healthy life.

Even better, it means that there's no risk of sexual transmission, even if I don't use a condom (though I'm better at that now, obviously).

But one day, randomly, I added the HIV rapid test to the list of things to do before intake to my pap smear appointment.

I thought it was a formality I should finally take care of.I was in shock that simply sleeping with probably close to a hundred men throughout my 20s — in college, in Rome, Italy where I lived for five years, in New York City upon my return — and not being strict about using condoms could have such a serious consequence.I grew up during the HIV/AIDS crisis and should have known better, but as a heterosexual woman, I equated safe sex with not getting pregnant more than with getting an STI, let alone HIV. It's embarrassing to admit that now, but I really did ignorantly think sex was all fun and games.It woke me up and made me realize what I needed and wanted from a partner.Matt never been a good match for me, really; my diagnosis just shined a spotlight on that.The only bad thing about breaking up with Matt was the realization that I would have to start dating again.