Dating expectations too high
Then, if the relationship progresses, if there are some important aspects in a relationship that have not yet been addressed – ask for what you need! Check your expectations with the 4 statements below Perfectionism is something people usual associate with job performance, academics or the like but many people also seek perfection in a relationship. Take a minute and think about what is “not enough”? When not met, there is disappointment and upset because someone did not do what you thought they should. It puts us in a position of having a power struggle with others as we are attempting to control their behavior through our expectations.
When we give anything, time, faithfulness, gifts, love, care, it should be with no expectations.
These things should be given with an open and free heart.
Being willing to approach this challenge with self-love, rational reality, and an adventurous heart is going to give you the best potential outcome. The number one clue to having expectations too high is that you cannot find anyone who meets those expectations!
If you move from relationship to relationship trying to find just the right person who meets all of your criteria, you will most likely be disappointed over and over again.
I called it “authentically assessing your marketability.” All of us are combinations of our genetics, our life experiences, our belief systems, our dreams, and our failures.
Hopefully, with each intimate relationship we invest in, we end up without regrets and with new pieces of ourselves that help us choose more wisely the next time around.
In that case, if your partner still cannot or will not meet those expectations, then you can choose whether to change your expectations or change your relationship.
But it begins with being the kind of partner you want to have. Your first step is to accurately look at what you have to offer This inner reflection is amongst the hardest for most people to embrace, yet one of the most important things you can do to create a successful relationship.
Can you live with someone being messy without nagging them to clean up? Can you love your mate with faults and flaws without trying to change them? Can you live with cheating, lying, excessive gambling or drinking, putting friends or work ahead of family, etc…
Deciding yes or no to these and other issues are examples of personal boundaries. If you are not willing to give as much as you expect to receive in a relationship, then your expectations are too high Be honest and objective with yourself and look at what you provide your partner in terms of support, resources, nurturing and effort and ask yourself “Do I expect more than what I am willing to give?
Then ask yourself what kind of a person would want that combination of qualities and what he or she could offer you in return.