Let’s do one at a time starting with the ‘other man.’ He is definitely looking for love in the wrong place and with the wrong person.

His superficial belief that he wants someone else’s woman for the convenience is a lie he defensively tells himself.

The reality is he’s looking for love like the rest of us and afraid of what he’ll find.

Usually at the beginning of such an arrangement, when the triangle is young so to speak, the ‘other man’ usually tells himself he likes this arrangement because he doesn’t have to make a commitment.

She can go back to her husband when we’re done making love, right? The problem comes when over time an attachment forms between the married woman and her ‘other man.’ Now she is growing used to the arrangement and has convinced herself that the triangle makes her disappointing marriage tolerable.

I know the storybooks tell us that it’s better to stay together.

But I think there are plenty of people who never should have gotten together to begin with.

The work needed is usually in the area of developing a better tolerance for love and intimacy by clearing out whatever fears and blockage the guy has in the way.

Then he can go after a whole and available single woman. He’s the ‘other man’s’ competition, but not really.Instead, defensive stuff happens like distancing from each other or finding another lover to make up for what is not happening in the marriage.The problem is you can’t get a piece of what you need from one person and another piece from someone else and expect to have a stable and satisfying love life.A lot of misery is avoided with a respectful ending and opportunity to start again with someone else after a period of sincere efforts to fix a love relationship.The point is a triangle happens when two married (or simply committed people) don’t fix their marriage.Most people I’ve met who are afraid of intimacy, lose the fear when they accept and feel better about themselves.